An experiential account written by Silent Dinner guest Meg Benson in the Blue Mountains, Australia in 2014:
I attended a Silent Dinner party orchestrated by Honi Ryan an artist specialising in social sculpture and hosted in Leura of the Blue Mountains this May, 2014.
It was an intriguing and challenging idea that immediately filled me with suspense.
I understood the possibility of the open slate of the experiences that may or may not unfold, apparent by the simplicity of the rules, which really allow for anything outside those rules.
Do not speak, do not write, try to make as little noise as possible, do not read and do not mouth words. That was all.
Prior to attending, I was asked such questions (by more than one friend) as… “does it need to be meditational, like vipassana?” another comment was… “it does not say that everyone can’t have group sex”… of course a joke, but it made me wonder how these rules are permissive if interpreted by a group or culture of people so inclined.
It occurred to me that people may have entered the silent dinner party space with such self-imposed concepts and expectations about how they should behave… pressure to abstain… to be transcendent or pressure to fill the space and perform.
Honi embraced us upon our welcome, and this dispelled any imagining that we should survive the dinner party of 2+ hours by avoiding touch, human interaction and eye contact, I already felt comfortable, welcome and equal.
Upon commencement across the evenings’ 5 star presentation of a 3 course meal, I soon realised that dinner was a perfect scenario to explore social rules of engagement and norms, permissions to connect, enjoy and communicate in silence. It’s something we have all done numerous times, and although many houses have many varied table manners, it is a familiar ritual to explore such unfamiliar conditions. I experienced the ritual of dinner as somewhat of a comfort blanket.
The silence did have a sound…it was the sound of gentleness and mindfulness. The sound of delicately handled utensils, of polite and unassuming presence, all embracing smiles, wine pouring from the bottle, creasing and crinkling of paper table cloths, of giggles and laughs that popped out accidentally or uncontrollably and of generous footsteps bearing lovingly presented food.
I observed an initial sense in the group of guests (including myself) of looking for cues for permission to interact or for direction, yet personally felt a delight in the unexpected of what would flow naturally. I noticed Honi was in the traffic flow of many gazes as if she herself would signal a green, red or amber light. This was what the group of guests at the early stage was looking for until bit by bit it found it’s freedom though the gradual accumulation of spontaneous independent interaction.
Without much to cling to, in sustained silence, amongst mostly unfamiliar people, I dug down into my values and framework for enjoying life to create a self-aware playing field to navigate self and others in this unpredictable TRIP (to me this experience had all the elements involved in a psychedelic trip except the trip itself). I prepared my self with a sense of respect, spontaneity, gratefulness, playfulness, non-rigidity, flow, interest in relational interacting, appreciation that nothing is in isolation and that themes of play can develop, maintaining compassion for self and others…. a self imposed rule that guides all my life,being non-serious yet also disinterested in shallow distracting, space filling frivolity.
Honi’s self-erecting social sculpture was a spectrum of changing moments ….as broad as the palette of the mind that moves like clouds in a changing landscape.
It appeared to me that people were at times looking to common dinner party norms for permission and guidelines for social behaviour and I saw this in many ways. At what point does someone settle into their being and trust their own motivation aside from the perceived expectation of compliance?
AM I ALLOWED TO START EATING WHILE THE FOOD IS HOT even though people are still being served?…. half a table had been served first and some were eating. My answer was tonight I make the meaning and the rules, I owe it to my sense of respect to the cook to consume it while it is hot, coz mere compliance to rules on a table of 20 or so is senseless compliance. I noticed some started eating and then looked around and stopped as if someone would perceive disrespect and perhaps because they would like themselves better that way.
Other contented folks continued on ….
How naked ! when the rules are all stripped away! except the non-negotiable container of silence that we all bravely arrived to encounter.
From Meg the Music Hunter
The Silent Dinners 